They call it a pathway, She doesn’t really know why. Its a series of appointments which she is sure could be done quicker, but here they are, halfway along a well trodden path that even they have travelled before.
Yet it’s different this time. They had the first appointment and filled in a long form. She presumes school have been called and knew nothing because in a high school, where you mask, you are just a fish swimming in a big sea. No one teacher has you for longer than an hour a week and they don’t notice that one child struggles to get themselves to class on time or doesn’t eat their lunch. They think nothing more than naughtiness when one child “plays up” in some lessons yet is good as gold in others. They don’t notice the child who can act so well and clearly do all their work, yet doesn’t understand if they are being bullied. The SENCO may have been the one to fill in the form. The same SENCO that never calls her back because her child isn’t on her list and as far as she knows is fine.
So here she is this morning with a child that masks, that can play act “normal” and that doesn’t want to go to the appointment. A child that literally said to her “I’m just going to pretend I’m normal so they don’t diagnose me”. A child that will only accept that they have anger issues. So they have run with that for now. They are going to talk to them because they might be able to help with the anger issues.
She’s been here before with another child so she knows what to expect, but the other child was a lot younger and didn’t understand what they were actually going to. This time it’s harder. This time she is nervous for different reasons. She’s nervous that her child will hate her for doing something she knows will help them. She’s nervous because even though she knows, she doesn’t want to know. She’s nervous that the one thing she knows she is dealing with, they don’t diagnose where she lives and if they don’t word the diagnosis right then they won’t get the right help. She’s nervous that when she wakes her child up with two hours to get ready, she will still struggle to get them in the car.
She knows this isn’t the end of the path. She knows they will know nothing at the end of today and will have another six months to wait to be told or not. Six months where time stands still for them as everyone else involves travels the path. She knows also that she will have a very anxious child for six months and that could make for a very demand avoiding time.
This morning she doesn’t feel like she is travelling a pathway. She feels like she is sat in the middle of it drinking a cup of tea, in the calm before the storm!
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