Diagnosis Feelings

We saw the GP, we waited.

We saw the Paediatrician, we waited.
We saw another Paediatrician, we waited.
We saw CAMHS, we waited.
CAMHS went into my child’s school. We waited.
My child saw CAMHS, we waited.

Now I am sat in a room at CAMHS  about to be told something I have waited so long to hear, yet not really wanting to hear it.

I even know exactly what they are going to say, I’ve known for years.
But knowing something and having someone tell you something about your child are two entirely different things.

Suddenly it’s official. The words leave their mouth and you can never wish them back in.

The feelings are mixed. I know my child needs this. I know help is limited without it. I know school will be hard unless there is a piece of paper with it on but at the same time I can’t help letting the suddenly very real words stab a little at my insides.

The years of waiting impatiently and constantly asking for help, the relief I am finally here mixed with the feelings of what next? The worry of what the future will bring.

The half answered questions going in one ear and out of the other as the words ring around my head.

“Your child has Autism Spectrum Disorder”.

So I leave, my head full of questions, not really knowing what next with many years to still muddle through.

My heart is heavy and light at the same time. Relief. Pain. Confusion. Happiness. Sadness. Everything in between.

Everything has changed because of today, yet nothing is really different.

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3 Comments Add yours

  1. Peter says:

    We ask so much
    When we only want one question answered

  2. Diane Ladd says:

    Such a long process is so not the best way to do this…Thanks for putting this so clearly…

    1. It is a shame it takes so long. For my son it was 4 years and most of that time he was on waiting lists!

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