Backwards Parenting

A black and white photo of a girl and a boy

We are the parents of Autistic children, children with SPD, ADHD and the parents of PDAers. How do we parent our children?

We take everything we know about parenting and turn it on its head!

Instead of limiting screen time, some of us encourage it. If our children need a screen to escape or relax then a screen they shall have.

Instead of telling our PDAers what to do, we let them think they are in charge, they are less anxious this way.

Instead of surprises we do plans.

Instead of making sure our SPD children get a balanced diet, we make sure they eat.

Instead of subjecting our children to a day of stress, sometimes we keep them home and that’s ok.

We don’t make our children wait.

We rejoice if they sleep at all, not if they are in bed by seven.

We don’t listen to everyone else!

When you tell us our child just needs discipline or deserves nothing we don’t listen to you.

When you look disapprovingly at their latest meltdown we turn away.

We don’t join in with the comparison conversations at playgroup or school!

We are the parents sat quietly in the corner or stood on our own in the playground.

When parents are comparing their children’s potty training antics or their child’s school achievements, we dont join in.

We dont compare our children to other peoples because we know all children are different and our children are special in their own way.

We do things our own way!

We don’t listen to the health visitor or the parenting books. We parent our own way, our childs way!

We Survive!

We live day to day. 

We are over tired, overworked and with many things to worry about.

Some days we wake up, survive the day and maybe go to bed!

We fight!

We fight battles we didn’t know existed.

We fight for help, for EHC Plans, for education.

We appeal, we attend mediation, we research and we don’t stop fighting.

We Love!

Most of all we love and we love a lot.

We give up our lives, our jobs and our dreams, for our children.

We love them unconditionally.

We rejoice in every achievement they make.

We get hurt, shouted at and broken but we are the parents of Autistic children, children with SPD, parents of ADHDers and the parents of PDAers and we never stop loving!

Thank you for taking the time to read this post.  If you would like to read more then feel free to follow my blog or like my Facebook page which I keep up to date with new posts as they are written. You can also find me on Twitter @KidsOnTour1

Published by Autism Kids on Tour - Autism without limits

I have two kids and love to show them the world. We dont let autism limit us in our adventures! I write about our adventures and include tips on how suitable activities were for children with autism. I also write more autism specific posts.

18 thoughts on “Backwards Parenting

  1. you sound like amazing parents to me, i love the fact that you don’t join in with the comparison conversations at playgroup and that you do not judge your kids by what other people think that you should do or shouldn’t do, but rather let them choose their own way, I’m sure its not easy

  2. Such a heartwarming post, you are a great parent, all above it I’m glad you do not care about what the other thinks because it really does matter the other person opinion and love your kids is what matters.

  3. Reminded me of one of my favourite Cocky’s Circle books in the 1990s:

    “It’s the right way up/in the world that we know”.

    About this upside-down and inside-out way of parenting.

    #spectrumsunday #7january2018

  4. Amazing post! Sometimes people give advice on something they don’t understand. It’s good that you don’t hear the opinions from other people about parenting, especially if the advice they give out of their clueless observations.

  5. I do as I know what is best for my children. There is no perfect parenting style. As long as you are doing the right thing, you’re fine. But what really ticks me off is when I got unsolicited advice on how to raise my kids from people who DON’T have kids! Ugh.

  6. This is a wonderful post and your mindset can be inspiring for others who face similar difficulties. Thank you for being open and sharing these thoughts!

  7. So great to see you put this into words!!! I am a parent and wife of aspbergers, PDAs, To a person who is unfamiliar or had no exposure to PDAs and Aspbergers/Autism Your words could come across to them as a “Rebellious parent” who rejects any form of convention advice etc etc. I would like to “add” to your words so they “get it” that. Normal methods of parenting “JUST DONT PRODUCE the required
    compliance/effectiveness” from the child. THEY JUST DONT WORK! So what DOES WORK (and achieves compliance) is ……. Your list of WHAT DOES WORK. Thankyou so much for this. You pinpointed exactly how it is for we parents/wives/husbands!!!!!

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