I was sat in a small room at my sons school. His teacher was talking to me about his classwork but I wasn’t listening. I couldn’t hear what she was saying anymore. The first words she said were echoing through my head, taking over my thoughts. “quite depressed at school” “googling the best way to kill himself” “googling the best way to kill himself” My ten year old was googling the best way to kill himself and that was all I could think about at that moment.
I wanted to run and get him. Hold him tight. Tell him it was all going to be ok. He already came home from school every day really upset and saying he would rather be dead than go to school, I had even had to hide all the knives because when he was upset that was the first thing he went for, and now he had been googling how to kill himself! I sat pretending to listen to the rest of parents evening, went home and cried.
The next morning I rang my sons paediatrician and begged for help.
Fortunately my sons Paediatrician is lovely and has always tried her best to help so she referred him for an urgent CAMHS appointment.
The appointment date came and my son had a melt down. I couldn’t get him there on the bus and everything went wrong! I rang them and was told not to worry, they sent someone to see him at my house the next day.
So now my son had a psychologist, she was lovely. My son could only concentrate for fifteen minutes so he had weekly fifteen minute appointments.
Because my son got so stressed at school he had to miss school the days of his psychology appointments or there would be no point to them.
His psychologist did four things to help him. She made an emotional toolkit with him which I will discuss in more detail tomorrow. She helped me make an anger box, something which has really helped him since. She identified the reason he was so upset and stressed was school, as he was in the wrong environment and just not coping. This is something I already knew and was in a big battle with the LEA about but she was able to go into school and very strongly make recommendations to help my son.
Lastly she went above and beyond and wrote to the LEA to tell them that my son should be at the school I had been trying to fight him into that they didn’t want to fund. He got a place!!
My son is a lot happier now and rarely says things like he wants to kill himself. The psychologist does not see him at the moment but she hasn’t signed him off incase we ever need her again.
If you are going through similar, I’m sorry. I feel your pain. There is nothing worse than knowing your child is so upset that they would rather not be alive. There is help out there, make sure you fight for it! If you believe your child is in immediate danger of suicide please take them to your nearest emergency room.
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