My son spent the whole of primary school in mainstream education. This wasn’t my choice, it just took me that long to fight for his EHC Plan! When he got it he was in year six and his primary school was named on it. I had to make a difficult decision to not appeal the primary place and instead cut back on work to fight with everything I had in me to get him into the specialist secondary school I thought would be best for him.
Today he started at that school. I have very mixed feelings right now. He was so brave this morning even though he was obviously very nervous. I have to take other children to primary school so he has transport and was picked up in a taxi. He doesnt like taxis and I wasn’t in it with him. It’s only 5 minutes away and they are getting him out at the other end so I’m sure he will be fine but I still feel horribly mean for making him get in the taxi and go by himself when he was feeling so scared.
He is worried because he doesn’t remember all the children’s names in his new class. There are only 6 of them but he has forgotten one.
He is worried that he wouldn’t eat because he can’t ask for things and needs to be offered them. I’m worried about that too. Im sure they will help him, it’s a lovely school.
He didn’t like his uniform because he needs to wear a shirt and it feels funny. We put a T-shirt under it which has helped but the collar is hurting his neck.
He has such horrible memories from primary school. Memories of being grabbed and held down. Memories of being shouted at. Memories of being bullied. Memories of not being allowed to play. He was visibly shaking with fear this morning.
All these things are so hard to deal with for him but I am so proud of my baby!
Im proud because a year ago he wouldn’t have been able to put that shirt on without having a melt down.
Im proud because a year ago I would of had to literally drag him to school if he was worried about knowing someone’s name.
Im proud because a year ago he would have run down the street rather than get in that taxi.
Im proud of him because he managed to go to school today, and the only thing getting him there is the fact I have made a promise that it will be better this year.
Im nervous because I’ve made that promise and I need it to be right. I need this school to be better with him. I can’t face five more years of my son being suicidal because of school and nor can he.
I love that child so much, he is a caring, lovely, kind, sensitive, clever little boy who just happens to be autistic with sensory processing difficulties that make life very difficult for him and he deserves as much chance in life as anyone else. This school was my best chance and I hope I was right. Three o’clock can’t come quick enough!